WARNING: If you are a vegan, vegetarian, or Paris Hilton, this post may contain some offensive language and disturbing pictures, as well as other potentially damaging and shocking material. If you are neither of the said three, you’re up for a bloody, juicy ride.
(…after I’ve eaten a particularly delicious breaded chicken breast with half a tube of mayo…)
If you’re still reading at this point, I think it’s safe to say you’re a hamburger-meatloaf-crunchy-bacon-enthusiast like myself. Now, I don’t know about you, but I probably could go vegan at some point. If someone held a rifle to my head or something. I mean, there are always some scenarios in which you would do the unthinkable. In this case, the unthinkable would be me, munching on broccoli and kale for the rest of my life, drinking beet juice like some kind of passionate fitness guru. Oh, my gawd, I can already hear myself talking like Lea Michele, someone kill me please!… See? That’s the curse of being a talented writer. You get overly imaginative. You don’t get modest tho, so it’s cool. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, crunchy bacon. Now ask yourself this, if you had to choose, would you go full carnivore? I mean FULL carnivore – no sour cream, bread, cheese, sour cream, chocolate, chips, sour cream… Personally, maybe. I don’t know. It turns out that the carnivore diet is actually less “colorful” and inclusive then veganism. Also, I love and cherish sour cream with all my heart. Furthermore, most people who go full carnivore don’t eat chicken or fish, which is especially confusing. Now let’s get into it…
I’m a huge fan of Jordan Peterson. I like everything about that guy, from his eloquence to his political views. And before you start jumping on that bandwagon, Jordan Peterson never was and never will be a Trump supporter. If anything, he has issues with that ridiculous-sock-wearing soy boy Trudeau, and that’s none of our business. Now that we’ve cleared that up… I was recently Googling some stuff about the carnivore diet and I ran into this article titled: “Is the Jordan Peterson’s carnivore diet really healthy?” Needless to say, I was instantly triggered. It was a huge website, so I’m not sure if they were just fishing for clout or something, but that’s just straight-up lie in the title. Jordan Peterson didn’t invent the carnivore diet, he is just currently popular and has a huge platform, so you’re hearing it from him. In fact, he often talks about the experiences of the Anderson family that started the whole carnivory thing.
Joe Anderson started low-key experimenting with diets based on high protein intake back in the mid 1990s. However, in 1998 Joe’s wife, Charlene, started experiencing some problems. That same year she was diagnosed with Lyme disease and that’s when the real trouble began. She was having major reactions to most of the foods she ate…except red meat. During the course of the next couple of years, Joe and Charlene were educating themselves. They were reading researches, articles and books about meat-based diets that were focused on the consumption of red meat. They were trying to understand how the very food that was demonized by the majority of the population worked so well for them. At first, they were somewhat inclusive and ate eggs, whey and cheese with their meat. They also ate several types of meat, including bacon, chicken, fish and lamb. After a while, they started noticing that they felt best when they ate just beef. Joe even started noticing that eggs and dairy were giving him puffy eyes, stuffy nose and frequent headaches. Today both Joe and Charlene, as well as their two kids, eat only one big meal every night. That meal consists of beef, the fattier the better. Anderson’s also don’t drink anything but water and they don’s salt their meat, because it makes them “puffy faced”. Furthermore, their kids are 10 and 8, and they didn’t have any trouble adapting to the diet.
Jordan Peterson’s story is similar, but it wasn’t his wife who discovered the benefits of the carnivore diet, but his daughter Mikhaila. Mikhaila suffered from series of autoimmune problems. These problems stemmed from juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. She had her hip and ankle replaced when she was just a teenager, and she suffered from depression, anxiety, extreme fatigue and sleep problems. At 15, Mikhaila started experimenting with elimination diet. She started with a popular culprit, gluten, and kept going. Eventually she ended up eating only beef, salt and drinking water. Peterson saw his daughter’s progress, so he started with the diet himself. According to him, he stopped snoring, got rid of psoriasis, gingivitis, depression, leg numbness, overcame autoimmune conditions, and started sleeping better. Petersen also says that the diet is “a little hard on your social life”, and I guess I can see why. But then again, I overeat alone, like every guilty and ashamed person should, so I can’t relate.
Anyway, let me tell you what’s my biggest problem with this diet… Have you seen the prices of beef recently?! You’re supposed to eat just beef every day, and let me tell you something, both my writing and teaching job combined can’t pay for that! It turns out, it is much cheaper to be a vegan. It’s also much more annoying, but hey – at least you’ll save some money and buy a burger once you’re…. Hmm, my analogy got messed up there, but you know what I’m saying. Anyway, if you’re still doubtful about the magic of burgers keep in mind what SUPERMODEL Gigi Hadid said:
“Eat clean to stay fit, have a burger to stay sane.”
PS: Sour cream rules the universe. #teamsourcream